The Sarcastic Sentry: Issue one, Volume one.
I will begin a series of comments (facts and sarcasm) on various news articles that manage to headline the Internet news sites I frequent. You, the reader should be able to discern my thoughts as to why they should or should not be front page news.
- The Greeks voted down a referendum on July 6th that could have brought the country closer to financial stability. The lenders on the one side offered continued loans to help the fledgling country in exchange for more promises of governmental program austerity. One the other side was a black chasm of the unknown that comes along with a developed country that overtly decides to give a rigid middle finger to financial common sense as well as previous (and potential) investors. The voting turnout was typical for the island nation at around 62.5%, with 61% of them voting no. The remaining 37.5% were too busy standing in line for their daily 60 Euros and protesting for more free hand outs to vote.
Left-wing policies got them here, with their government borrowing vast amounts as soon as they joined the EU. With no reasonable means of repaying the loans, they became visual proof of Margaret Thatcher’s quote about Socialism eventually running out of other peoples’ money. Creditors who offered another bailout were demanding that Greece further reduce their expenditures on “non-producing” outlets (like military spending—sound at all familiar???) and more on places where some return on investment could be expected.
Oddly, America’s debt trend is on a similar upward trend the same as Greece’s albeit on a vastly larger scale. The left-wing politicians, as well as their gift recipients simply cannot grasp the concept of running out of free ice cream. Eventually, someone has to pay the guy behind the counter scooping sherbet into all those cones.
- A Sturgeon leapt from the waters of the Suwanee River striking a mother and her two kids. The mother was struck in the face, the boy suffered a broken arm and the 5-year old girl was killed. PETA immediately dispatched a team of lawyers to begin the defense of the fish saying it was clearly the result of trauma from the (probably) illegal invasion of its turf by the wicked humans. San Francisco and Denver quickly offered the fish refuge. The Florida Fish and Game Counsel, a ridiculously named and likely useless government agency, blamed the propensity for the leap on the unusually low waters in the river. The unstated reason for this was likely global warming…or as Wackos call it now, climate change. The EPA backed PETA’s position. Hillary Clinton, the as-yet uncrowned Queen of the United States asked for donations on behalf of all aquatic atrocities.
- Kim Kardashian again proved that she shouldn’t be a spokesperson for any serious social cause by coming out for Hillary Clinton for President in 2016. She also stated that “she isn’t a gun person, and believes we should have more controls on guns.” Specificity is not her strong suit as she did not go into any greater detail. Just more controls, it would seem. She made these comments in San Francisco where just days before an illegal alien shot and killed a woman in front of her father.
At first the five-time deported alien, Juan Francisco, Lopez-Sanchez (a fine Irish boy), stated he had been shooting at sea lions. (One wonders if the penalty for shooting a sea lion carries a stricter punishment.) Then he said he found it on a bench wrapped in a T-shirt and it went off when he picked it up. (One has to guess it went off three times.) He then kicked it into the bay and went about his worthless existence until he was picked up by police. Apparently he was picked up on cell phone video firing the weapon.
Four months ago, Sanchez had been arrested on a drug charge but was not detained as the federal authorities had asked because San Francisco is a sanctuary city—allowing all illegals free entry without fear of being detained or deported regardless of the crimes. Sanchez with his seven felony convictions was out begging trying to raise the $20 needed to file paperwork to become the town’s mayor when the “unfortunate” mishap occurred.
The people of San Francisco were all ordered to line up at their local courthouses and be issued iron-on targets to be placed on their torso articles of clothing when walking freely about minding their own God-given freedom-loving business. The parents of the slain girl spoke out in the aftermath saying they did not want the focus to be on the criminal history of the killer or the fact that he should not have been in the United States at all (unless it was behind bars). Instead they were focused on healing, fearing the trigger puller was up all night in angst that he may have broken one of God’s Commandments. “Focusing on his past will not bring Kate back,” they said, in an apparent disregard for the next person Sanchez kills.
- The Hillary Clinton campaign used actual ropes to corral reporters trying to get close enough to ask the as-yet uncrowned Queen of the United States meaningless questions. Most serious reporters have long sense given up attempting to ask questions with any serious merit knowing that they have already been negatively vetted by the campaign and will never be called upon to ask questions. One reported did ask a question about what the Queen’s favorite ice cream flavor was—a question sure to include the reporter in the next round of Pulitzer Prize considerations. Queen Hillary, quick as a whit, and sharp as a tack would not be trapped by the penetrating question, dodged it saying she could not name a favorite. Clearly Hillary saw such a definitive response as a micro-aggression against those who make other flavors as well as those who like others as their favorites. The postings on FaceBook by users denouncing their previous declarations of favorite flavors briefly caused an outage of service across the nation.
- Bubba Watson publicly declared he is sack-less by announcing that he will paint over the Confederate flag that adorned the roof of his “General Lee” car that was made famous on The Dukes of Hazard television show of the 80’s. The uproar about the flag started in the wake of an off-his-meds lunatic in South Carolina entering a black church and killing nine worshippers. Since then, politicians and activists of all colors and vintages have spoken out against any and all forms of Southern Heritage symbols and icons, calling for the removal of statues and other war memorials.
Watson, a professional golfer later stated that his stance was met with such division that he has also decided to drop “Bubba” from his public name as it invokes images of being “too-southern”, coveralls wearing, and moonshine drinking. As his real name is Gerry, a typically female spelling of the name, he was going to change that as well until his publicist stated that would be an affront to others using that spelling regardless of their sexual orientation. Watson released an apology to the PGA family as a whole for the sin of even contemplating something that could be remotely seen as offensive and stated he will be now go by the moniker “B-Dawg” as it includes both southern and hip-hop ideology and imagery.
In support of Southern history and as my own middle finger to those so politically correct, I post a picture of the Rebel Flag here.
